Now and then, I work at a cute little shop here in town. Just a few days ago, a lady came in and said she was visiting from the other side of Anchorage. We’re celebrating our twenty fifth anniversary; it’s a miracle we didn’t kill each other! I laughed and we chatted until she brought up the election.”It’s just terrible! I’ve seen a lot of candidates in my seventy years, and this one is the worst! He’s going to take away medicare. Seniors won’t have a retirement: I can’t see why anyone would vote for him! Are you a democrat?”

I paused a moment. “No, but I don’t see how that should keep us from being civil or having a good discussion about it.”

Another customer came in and she shifted away from our discussion. We were both cordial, and when she left we said our goodbyes, I wished her a safe trip home, and that was that.

I think it’s a gift to be able to leave room for people to draw their own conclusions. However, I’ve heard of people cutting others out of their lives at such junctures. The political divide is so great that it nearly seems a betrayal to remain friends with anyone who would stand on the opposite side. We feel torn between our ideals and our relationships, and it seems the two cannot co-exist. Before you cut those people off, perhaps you could take a few thoughts into consideration.

One: information is not equally distributed.
When I was growing up, you had to catch shows when they aired or you missed them altogether. We all had the same channels, and everyone watched the same newscaster give the news each evening. We had TGIF- Thank God It’s Friday – where we would watch Full House and Step by Step, Family Matters, and the rest of the Friday night lineup. I loved those shows! When we went to school, everyone had the common ground of having the same channels, the same shows, the same local radio stations to chat about.

Nowadays, things are different. Not only can we stream from many different platforms, we also curate a watchlist/playlist for each person in our house. We have Netflix profiles, Spotify playlists, YouTube channels that we subscribe to, and news has shifted from a local focus to a global one, with a myriad of perspectives to suit everyone’s political bias. The result is that we become even more fortified in our positions as technology adjusts to show us more of what we already think and believe. We are in an echo chamber of opinion. Or it does the opposite and shares controversial stories- it does whatever will keep us online longer, whether it’s reading and watching people we agree with or exposing us to stories that provoke our inner critic.

With this in mind, is it really any wonder people feel as strongly as they do? That lady who came to the shop? I’m assuming she had good reasons for voting the way she did. I’m assuming she had sources and content, articles and persuasive reasoning behind her argument. She took everything she had learned over the years and voted in good conscience for (who she felt) was the best candidate. That’s really all any of us can do, right? It’s not wise or realistic to expect someone to vote against their better judgment. Wisdom is recognizing we can hold different opinions about things and still cultivate a meaningful friendship in other areas.

Two: Politics (generally) aren’t the cement of great relationships.
Integrity? Yes. Honesty? Yes, please. Have some interests in common? I could see that being the base of a good friendship. Truth be told, I don’t think I’ve ever bonded with anyone over our political beliefs. I’ve bonded because of faith, a mutual love for music, an affinity for reading and collecting an inordinate amount of books, and our joy in discovering a good find at the thrift store- there are many great reasons for connecting with others. If politics didn’t forge the friendship, I’m not sure why it should cause a dissolution of the relationship. Besides, I’m really curious why people do the things they do, and having a friend with different opinions and perspectives is an advantage in that regard.

Three: I think cutting people out of your life because of ideological differences is foolish: it’s in line with cultish behavior to ostracize anyone you don’t agree with. I know cultish is a very strong word, but it fits. Cutting people out of your life may seem like the easiest way to circumvent conflict at the moment, but it can leave you feeling self-righteous and untouchable. At some point, the other person looks clownish for clinging to any view you disagree with. But if you have to cut off everyone who thinks differently than you, I have to wonder if it’s because your viewpoint can’t stand the scrutiny of logic or sound reasoning.

People are multifaceted. We are not just little political figures championing a cause; we are infinitely more. We are musical and artistic. Deeply feeling and compassionate. We are survivors and overcomers. We are humans with a need to connect with others. We are relational at the core and any time we cut someone out of our lives, we’re not just rejecting the one perspective we disagree with, we are also ignoring anything good that person has brought to the table.

Bottom line? There are reasons to avoid people, but I don’t think politics should be one of them.