Sometimes church feels like meeting Cinderella at the ball. Everyone is all smiles, wearing their Sunday best, and it feels like everyone is waltzing in with perfect lives and this apparent perfection seems to amplify your not-so-perfect-life.

However, no one at the ball knew who Cinderella really was. No one knew that she had lost her father at a young age. No one knew that she had a stepmother who belittled and abused her. No one knew about the stepsisters who teased her mercilessly and scorned her very existence. But who has time – at such an event – to explain such things?

Yesterday we wrapped up a three-day women’s conference here in Homer. Instead of flying someone in to speak, church leadership decided to have women from our own congregation share their lives and the result was incredible.

Counsel spoke Thursday evening. Counsel has dark brown hair and a signature fringe of bangs across her forehead. Her godly character is so mature and warm that I was surprised to discover she is a fairly new Christian. I love the way she described God’s work in her life as a rock thrown into water, rippling out in concentric circles affecting every area, both her memories of the past and her hopes for the future.

“When God saved me, it happened in three parts—there was the moment, the now, and that moment, like a rock thrown into still waters, set continuous ripples out into the future, as He continues saving—growing and shaping me. And backward, redeeming my past, changing the way I see and understand it. Revealing not only that He has been there as far back as I can remember, but that I knew it.”

Friday morning Tara shared. Tara is energetic, a spunky woman with tattoos running down her left arm. She’s a hard-working woman, putting in 11-14 hours between her work at our local hospital and her hair salon at home. Tara shared about the addiction that wrecked her life, how she lost everything, including her children. She spoke about the unsuccessful overdoses, the hopelessness of hitting rock bottom. The night she sped to her momma’s house at 120 mph because she was high and scared and where else do you go when life is falling apart and you need a refuge? We were surprised when she pulled out a before picture to display, because it was such a contrast to who she is now. She has her children back. A home. Meaningful work, and a good husband to share life with. Life is lovely, and her joy is evident to all. Why wouldn’t it be? I imagine every moment feels like a gift when you’ve met death and escaped so many times.

My friend Chelsey shared her story Friday evening, and it had so many hard turns that I’ll just say it wrecked the room and we grieved for innocence lost, the brokenness that comes when trauma happens at such a young age. But here’s the thing: I’ll bet no one could have imagined those stories lay in her past.

Chelsey is a business owner, a homeschool mom of six beautiful children. She’s compassionate, warm-hearted, kind. Over the years, she has walked through the hard process of healing, cultivated tools for healthy communication and relationships and we (those who know her well) get to experience her friendship in our lives. This is a gift because when people don’t process trauma, the tendency is to build up walls and shut everyone out to avoid getting hurt again. Those broken places could’ve robbed me of one of my sweetest friendships, but God did what he does best and I am richer for it.

Saturday morning- our last session – was led by Karina, a woman who has served as a missionary in Uganda for many years. 15? 19? You’ll have to forgive me because sometimes details become insignificant in light of stories shared. Although Karina knew from a young age that she wanted to be involved in missions, that didn’t exempt her from all the physical problems she’s experienced over the years. More than once she’s had to return to the US to physically recover from the different illnesses that lay siege to her body. And yet? She was practically beaming with confidence and joy as she shared about her trust in the Lord and his ability to lead and care for her.

It’s incredible to realize that the same trials that would cause someone to become bitter against God and turn away entirely can produce a soft heart that becomes joyfully vulnerable to the goodness of God. She shared an excerpt from a poem by A.B. Simpson entitled The Everlasting Arms. I’m sharing this portion because it was beautiful and deeply meaningful:

/  /  /  /  /  /  /  /  /  /  /  /  /  /  / 

We all have chapters we prefer not to read aloud, but this weekend was a gift. When we are honest, vulnerable, it allows others to be honest and vulnerable as well.

The other people at the ball may not have known about Cinderella‘s past. They didn’t know anything about her story, but it was a part of her whether others knew about it or not. That’s a good thing to remember the next time you walk into a church building. Everyone may look polished and put together, but that doesn’t mean their heart has never been broken. It doesn’t mean they can’t relate to you, or that they don’t understand where you’re coming from. If your church offers small groups for you to meet in, I’d encourage you to join them. That’s where you’ll actually get to know who you’re going to church with. If they don’t offer small groups, then have someone over for dinner and learn to ask good questions.

Behind every set of eyes lies an untold story, and we would be far wiser and kinder if we took the time to hear them.

Originally posted October 9, 2022